ACT III, SCENE II.A hall in the castle.  | 
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Enter HAMLET and Players  | 
HAMLET 
    Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to 
    you, trippingly on the tongue: but if you mouth it, 
    as many of your players do, I had as lief the 
    town-crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air 
    too much with your hand, thus, but use all gently; 
    for in the very torrent, tempest, and, as I may say, 
    the whirlwind of passion, you must acquire and beget 
    a temperance that may give it smoothness. O, it 
    offends me to the soul to hear a robustious 
    periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to tatters, to 
    very rags, to split the ears of the groundlings, who 
    for the most part are capable of nothing but 
    inexplicable dumbshows and noise: I would have such 
    a fellow whipped for o'erdoing Termagant; it 
    out-herods Herod: pray you, avoid it.
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First Player 
    I warrant your honour.
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HAMLET 
    Be not too tame neither, but let your own discretion 
    be your tutor: suit the action to the word, the 
    word to the action; with this special o'erstep not 
    the modesty of nature: for any thing so overdone is 
    from the purpose of playing, whose end, both at the 
    first and now, was and is, to hold, as 'twere, the 
    mirror up to nature; to show virtue her own feature, 
    scorn her own image, and the very age and body of 
    the time his form and pressure. Now this overdone, 
    or come tardy off, though it make the unskilful 
    laugh, cannot but make the judicious grieve; the 
    censure of the which one must in your allowance 
    o'erweigh a whole theatre of others. O, there be 
    players that I have seen play, and heard others 
    praise, and that highly, not to speak it profanely, 
    that, neither having the accent of Christians nor 
    the gait of Christian, pagan, nor man, have so 
    strutted and bellowed that I have thought some of 
    nature's journeymen had made men and not made them 
    well, they imitated humanity so abominably.
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First Player 
    I hope we have reformed that indifferently with us, 
    sir.
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HAMLET 
    O, reform it altogether. And let those that play 
    your clowns speak no more than is set down for them; 
    for there be of them that will themselves laugh, to 
    set on some quantity of barren spectators to laugh 
    too; though, in the mean time, some necessary 
    question of the play be then to be considered: 
    that's villanous, and shows a most pitiful ambition 
    in the fool that uses it. Go, make you ready.
    Exeunt Players 
    Enter POLONIUS, ROSENCRANTZ, and GUILDENSTERN 
    How now, my lord! I will the king hear this piece of work?
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LORD POLONIUS 
    And the queen too, and that presently.
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HAMLET 
    Bid the players make haste.
    Exit POLONIUS 
    Will you two help to hasten them?
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ROSENCRANTZ  GUILDENSTERN
    We will, my lord.
    Exeunt ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN 
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HAMLET 
    What ho! Horatio!
    Enter HORATIO 
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HORATIO 
    Here, sweet lord, at your service.
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HAMLET 
    Horatio, thou art e'en as just a man 
    As e'er my conversation coped withal.
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HORATIO 
    O, my dear lord,--
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HAMLET 
    Nay, do not think I flatter; 
    For what advancement may I hope from thee 
    That no revenue hast but thy good spirits, 
    To feed and clothe thee? Why should the poor be flatter'd? 
    No, let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp, 
    And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee 
    Where thrift may follow fawning. Dost thou hear? 
    Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice 
    And could of men distinguish, her election 
    Hath seal'd thee for herself; for thou hast been 
    As one, in suffering all, that suffers nothing, 
    A man that fortune's buffets and rewards 
    Hast ta'en with equal thanks: and blest are those 
    Whose blood and judgment are so well commingled, 
    That they are not a pipe for fortune's finger 
    To sound what stop she please. Give me that man 
    That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him 
    In my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart, 
    As I do thee.--Something too much of this.-- 
    There is a play to-night before the king; 
    One scene of it comes near the circumstance 
    Which I have told thee of my father's death: 
    I prithee, when thou seest that act afoot, 
    Even with the very comment of thy soul 
    Observe mine uncle: if his occulted guilt 
    Do not itself unkennel in one speech, 
    It is a damned ghost that we have seen, 
    And my imaginations are as foul 
    As Vulcan's stithy. Give him heedful note; 
    For I mine eyes will rivet to his face, 
    And after we will both our judgments join 
    In censure of his seeming.
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HORATIO 
    Well, my lord: 
    If he steal aught the whilst this play is playing, 
    And 'scape detecting, I will pay the theft.
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HAMLET 
    They are coming to the play; I must be idle: 
    Get you a place.
    Danish march. A flourish. Enter KING CLAUDIUS, QUEEN GERTRUDE , POLONIUS,
    OPHELIA, ROSENCRANTZ, GUILDENSTERN, and others 
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KING CLAUDIUS 
    How fares our cousin Hamlet?
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HAMLET 
    Excellent, i' faith; of the chameleon's dish: I eat 
    the air, promise-crammed: you cannot feed capons so.
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KING CLAUDIUS 
    I have nothing with this answer, Hamlet; these words 
    are not mine.
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HAMLET 
    No, nor mine now.
    To POLONIUS 
    My lord, you played once i' the university, you say?
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LORD POLONIUS 
    That did I, my lord; and was accounted a good actor.
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HAMLET 
    What did you enact?
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LORD POLONIUS 
    I did enact Julius Caesar: I was killed i' the 
    Capitol; Brutus killed me.
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HAMLET 
    It was a brute part of him to kill so capital a calf 
    there. Be the players ready?
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ROSENCRANTZ 
    Ay, my lord; they stay upon your patience.
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QUEEN GERTRUDE 
    Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me.
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HAMLET 
    No, good mother, here's metal more attractive.
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LORD POLONIUS 
    [To KING CLAUDIUS] O, ho! do you mark that?
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HAMLET 
    Lady, shall I lie in your lap?
    Lying down at OPHELIA's feet 
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OPHELIA 
    No, my lord.
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HAMLET 
    I mean, my head upon your lap?
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OPHELIA 
    Ay, my lord.
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HAMLET 
    Do you think I meant country matters?
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OPHELIA 
    I think nothing, my lord.
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HAMLET 
    That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.
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OPHELIA 
    What is, my lord?
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HAMLET 
    Nothing.
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OPHELIA 
    You are merry, my lord.
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HAMLET 
    Who, I?
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OPHELIA 
    Ay, my lord.
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HAMLET 
    O God, your only jig-maker. What should a man do 
    but be merry? for, look you, how cheerfully my 
    mother looks, and my father died within these two hours.
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OPHELIA 
    Nay, 'tis twice two months, my lord.
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HAMLET 
    So long? Nay then, let the devil wear black, for 
    I'll have a suit of sables. O heavens! die two 
    months ago, and not forgotten yet? Then there's 
    hope a great man's memory may outlive his life half 
    a year: but, by'r lady, he must build churches, 
    then; or else shall he suffer not thinking on, with 
    the hobby-horse, whose epitaph is 'For, O, for, O,
    the hobby-horse is forgot.'
    Hautboys play. The dumb-show enters 
    Enter a King and a Queen very lovingly; the Queen embracing him, 
    and he her. She kneels, and makes show of protestation unto him. 
    He takes her up, and declines his head upon her neck: lays him 
    down upon a bank of flowers: she, seeing him asleep, leaves him. 
    Anon comes in a fellow, takes off his crown, kisses it, and pours 
    poison in the King's ears, and exit. The Queen returns; finds the 
    King dead, and makes passionate action. The Poisoner, with some two 
    or three Mutes, comes in again, seeming to lament with her. The dead 
    body is carried away. The Poisoner wooes the Queen with gifts: she 
    seems loath and unwilling awhile, but in the end accepts his love.
      
    Exeunt 
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OPHELIA 
    What means this, my lord?
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HAMLET 
    Marry, this is miching mallecho; it means mischief.
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OPHELIA 
    Belike this show imports the argument of the play.
    Enter Prologue 
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HAMLET 
    We shall know by this fellow: the players cannot 
    keep counsel; they'll tell all.
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OPHELIA 
    Will he tell us what this show meant?
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HAMLET 
    Ay, or any show that you'll show him: be not you 
    ashamed to show, he'll not shame to tell you what it means.
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OPHELIA 
    You are naught, you are naught: I'll mark the play.
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Prologue 
    For us, and for our tragedy, 
    Here stooping to your clemency, 
    We beg your hearing patiently.
    Exit 
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HAMLET 
    Is this a prologue, or the posy of a ring?
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OPHELIA 
    'Tis brief, my lord.
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HAMLET 
    As woman's love.
    Enter two Players, King and Queen 
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Player King 
    Full thirty times hath Phoebus' cart gone round 
    Neptune's salt wash and Tellus' orbed ground, 
    And thirty dozen moons with borrow'd sheen 
    About the world have times twelve thirties been, 
    Since love our hearts and Hymen did our hands 
    Unite commutual in most sacred bands.
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Player Queen 
    So many journeys may the sun and moon 
    Make us again count o'er ere love be done! 
    But, woe is me, you are so sick of late, 
    So far from cheer and from your former state, 
    That I distrust you. Yet, though I distrust, 
    Discomfort you, my lord, it nothing must: 
    For women's fear and love holds quantity; 
    In neither aught, or in extremity. 
    Now, what my love is, proof hath made you know; 
    And as my love is sized, my fear is so: 
    Where love is great, the littlest doubts are fear; 
    Where little fears grow great, great love grows there.
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Player King 
    'Faith, I must leave thee, love, and shortly too; 
    My operant powers their functions leave to do: 
    And thou shalt live in this fair world behind, 
    Honour'd, beloved; and haply one as kind 
    For husband shalt thou--
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Player Queen 
    O, confound the rest! 
    Such love must needs be treason in my breast: 
    In second husband let me be accurst! 
    None wed the second but who kill'd the first.
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HAMLET 
    [Aside] Wormwood, wormwood.
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Player Queen 
    The instances that second marriage move 
    Are base respects of thrift, but none of love: 
    A second time I kill my husband dead, 
    When second husband kisses me in bed.
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Player King 
    I do believe you think what now you speak; 
    But what we do determine oft we break. 
    Purpose is but the slave to memory, 
    Of violent birth, but poor validity; 
    Which now, like fruit unripe, sticks on the tree; 
    But fall, unshaken, when they mellow be. 
    Most necessary 'tis that we forget 
    To pay ourselves what to ourselves is debt: 
    What to ourselves in passion we propose, 
    The passion ending, doth the purpose lose. 
    The violence of either grief or joy 
    Their own enactures with themselves destroy: 
    Where joy most revels, grief doth most lament; 
    Grief joys, joy grieves, on slender accident. 
    This world is not for aye, nor 'tis not strange 
    That even our loves should with our fortunes change; 
    For 'tis a question left us yet to prove, 
    Whether love lead fortune, or else fortune love. 
    The great man down, you mark his favourite flies; 
    The poor advanced makes friends of enemies. 
    And hitherto doth love on fortune tend; 
    For who not needs shall never lack a friend, 
    And who in want a hollow friend doth try, 
    Directly seasons him his enemy. 
    But, orderly to end where I begun, 
    Our wills and fates do so contrary run 
    That our devices still are overthrown; 
    Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own: 
    So think thou wilt no second husband wed; 
    But die thy thoughts when thy first lord is dead.
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Player Queen 
    Nor earth to me give food, nor heaven light! 
    Sport and repose lock from me day and night! 
    To desperation turn my trust and hope! 
    An anchor's cheer in prison be my scope! 
    Each opposite that blanks the face of joy 
    Meet what I would have well and it destroy! 
    Both here and hence pursue me lasting strife, 
    If, once a widow, ever I be wife!
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HAMLET 
    If she should break it now!
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Player King 
    'Tis deeply sworn. Sweet, leave me here awhile; 
    My spirits grow dull, and fain I would beguile 
    The tedious day with sleep.
    Sleeps 
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Player Queen 
    Sleep rock thy brain, 
    And never come mischance between us twain!
    Exit 
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HAMLET 
    Madam, how like you this play?
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QUEEN GERTRUDE 
    The lady protests too much, methinks.
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HAMLET 
    O, but she'll keep her word.
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KING CLAUDIUS 
    Have you heard the argument? Is there no offence in 't?
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HAMLET 
    No, no, they do but jest, poison in jest; no offence
    i' the world.
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KING CLAUDIUS 
    What do you call the play?
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HAMLET 
    The Mouse-trap. Marry, how? Tropically. This play 
    is the image of a murder done in Vienna: Gonzago is 
    the duke's name; his wife, Baptista: you shall see 
    anon; 'tis a knavish piece of work: but what o' 
    that? your majesty and we that have free souls, it 
    touches us not: let the galled jade wince, our 
    withers are unwrung.
    Enter LUCIANUS 
    This is one Lucianus, nephew to the king.
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OPHELIA 
    You are as good as a chorus, my lord.
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HAMLET 
    I could interpret between you and your love, if I
    could see the puppets dallying.
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OPHELIA 
    You are keen, my lord, you are keen.
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HAMLET 
    It would cost you a groaning to take off my edge.
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OPHELIA 
    Still better, and worse.
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HAMLET 
    So you must take your husbands. Begin, murderer; 
    pox, leave thy damnable faces, and begin. Come: 
    'the croaking raven doth bellow for revenge.'
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LUCIANUS 
    Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing; 
    Confederate season, else no creature seeing; 
    Thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected, 
    With Hecate's ban thrice blasted, thrice infected, 
    Thy natural magic and dire property, 
    On wholesome life usurp immediately.
    Pours the poison into the sleeper's ears 
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HAMLET 
    He poisons him i' the garden for's estate. His 
    name's Gonzago: the story is extant, and writ in 
    choice Italian: you shall see anon how the murderer 
    gets the love of Gonzago's wife.
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OPHELIA 
    The king rises.
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HAMLET 
    What, frighted with false fire!
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QUEEN GERTRUDE 
    How fares my lord?
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LORD POLONIUS 
    Give o'er the play.
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KING CLAUDIUS 
    Give me some light: away!
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All 
    Lights, lights, lights!
    Exeunt all but HAMLET and HORATIO 
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HAMLET 
    Why, let the stricken deer go weep, 
    The hart ungalled play; 
    For some must watch, while some must sleep: 
    So runs the world away. 
    Would not this, sir, and a forest of feathers-- if 
    the rest of my fortunes turn Turk with me--with two 
    Provincial roses on my razed shoes, get me a 
    fellowship in a cry of players, sir?
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HORATIO 
    Half a share.
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HAMLET 
    A whole one, I. 
    For thou dost know, O Damon dear, 
    This realm dismantled was 
    Of Jove himself; and now reigns here 
    A very, very--pajock.
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HORATIO 
    You might have rhymed.
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HAMLET 
    O good Horatio, I'll take the ghost's word for a 
    thousand pound. Didst perceive?
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HORATIO 
    Very well, my lord.
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HAMLET 
    Upon the talk of the poisoning?
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HORATIO 
    I did very well note him.
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HAMLET 
    Ah, ha! Come, some music! come, the recorders! 
    For if the king like not the comedy, 
    Why then, belike, he likes it not, perdy. 
    Come, some music!
    Re-enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN 
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GUILDENSTERN 
    Good my lord, vouchsafe me a word with you.
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HAMLET 
    Sir, a whole history.
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GUILDENSTERN 
    The king, sir,--
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HAMLET 
    Ay, sir, what of him?
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GUILDENSTERN 
    Is in his retirement marvellous distempered.
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HAMLET 
    With drink, sir?
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GUILDENSTERN 
    No, my lord, rather with choler.
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HAMLET 
    Your wisdom should show itself more richer to 
    signify this to his doctor; for, for me to put him 
    to his purgation would perhaps plunge him into far 
    more choler.
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GUILDENSTERN 
    Good my lord, put your discourse into some frame and 
    start not so wildly from my affair.
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HAMLET 
    I am tame, sir: pronounce.
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GUILDENSTERN 
    The queen, your mother, in most great affliction of 
    spirit, hath sent me to you.
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HAMLET 
    You are welcome.
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GUILDENSTERN 
    Nay, good my lord, this courtesy is not of the right 
    breed. If it shall please you to make me a 
    wholesome answer, I will do your mother's 
    commandment: if not, your pardon and my return 
    shall be the end of my business.
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HAMLET 
    Sir, I cannot.
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GUILDENSTERN 
    What, my lord?
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HAMLET 
    Make you a wholesome answer; my wit's diseased: but, 
    sir, such answer as I can make, you shall command; 
    or, rather, as you say, my mother: therefore no 
    more, but to the matter: my mother, you say,--
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ROSENCRANTZ 
    Then thus she says; your behavior hath struck her 
    into amazement and admiration.
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HAMLET 
    O wonderful son, that can so astonish a mother! But 
    is there no sequel at the heels of this mother's
    admiration? Impart.
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ROSENCRANTZ 
    She desires to speak with you in her closet, ere you 
    go to bed.
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HAMLET 
    We shall obey, were she ten times our mother. Have 
    you any further trade with us?
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ROSENCRANTZ 
    My lord, you once did love me.
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HAMLET 
    So I do still, by these pickers and stealers.
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ROSENCRANTZ 
    Good my lord, what is your cause of distemper? you 
    do, surely, bar the door upon your own liberty, if 
    you deny your griefs to your friend.
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HAMLET 
    Sir, I lack advancement.
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ROSENCRANTZ 
    How can that be, when you have the voice of the king 
    himself for your succession in Denmark?
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HAMLET 
    Ay, but sir, 'While the grass grows,'--the proverb 
    is something musty.
    Re-enter Players with recorders 
    O, the recorders! let me see one. To withdraw with 
    you:--why do you go about to recover the wind of me, 
    as if you would drive me into a toil?
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GUILDENSTERN 
    O, my lord, if my duty be too bold, my love is too
    unmannerly.
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HAMLET 
    I do not well understand that. Will you play upon 
    this pipe?
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GUILDENSTERN 
    My lord, I cannot.
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HAMLET 
    I pray you.
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GUILDENSTERN 
    Believe me, I cannot.
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HAMLET 
    I do beseech you.
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GUILDENSTERN 
    I know no touch of it, my lord.
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HAMLET 
    'Tis as easy as lying: govern these ventages with 
    your lingers and thumb, give it breath with your 
    mouth, and it will discourse most eloquent music. 
    Look you, these are the stops.
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GUILDENSTERN 
    But these cannot I command to any utterance of 
    harmony; I have not the skill.
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HAMLET 
    Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of 
    me! You would play upon me; you would seem to know 
    my stops; you would pluck out the heart of my 
    mystery; you would sound me from my lowest note to 
    the top of my compass: and there is much music, 
    excellent voice, in this little organ; yet cannot 
    you make it speak. 'Sblood, do you think I am 
    easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what 
    instrument you will, though you can fret me, yet you 
    cannot play upon me.
    Enter POLONIUS 
    God bless you, sir!
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LORD POLONIUS 
    My lord, the queen would speak with you, and 
    presently.
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HAMLET 
    Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel?
 | 
LORD POLONIUS 
    By the mass, and 'tis like a camel, indeed.
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HAMLET 
    Methinks it is like a weasel.
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LORD POLONIUS 
    It is backed like a weasel.
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HAMLET 
    Or like a whale?
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LORD POLONIUS 
    Very like a whale.
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HAMLET 
    Then I will come to my mother by and by. They fool 
    me to the top of my bent. I will come by and by.
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LORD POLONIUS 
    I will say so.
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HAMLET 
    By and by is easily said.
    Exit POLONIUS 
    Leave me, friends.
    Exeunt all but HAMLET 
    Tis now the very witching time of night, 
    When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out 
    Contagion to this world: now could I drink hot blood, 
    And do such bitter business as the day 
    Would quake to look on. Soft! now to my mother. 
    O heart, lose not thy nature; let not ever 
    The soul of Nero enter this firm bosom: 
    Let me be cruel, not unnatural: 
    I will speak daggers to her, but use none; 
    My tongue and soul in this be hypocrites; 
    How in my words soever she be shent, 
    To give them seals never, my soul, consent!
    Exit 
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